No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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