so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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