I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
