You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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