Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize