I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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