Ambien. No doubt about it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
