I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
