never play flip cup with pint glasses
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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