so that wasnt chicken after all
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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