apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
