Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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