i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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