She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
