no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
