it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize