nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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