Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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