the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
