I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
