She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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