its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
