I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
