sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
