I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
