in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
