I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
