I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
