yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
