Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
