It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh god it's open bar.
FUCK WHALES
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
