we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
