I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
