White coat. Heels.
actually, I'm a sock model
I bet he comes in French.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
