I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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