Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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