neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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