then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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