Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
