This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
