so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
