I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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