Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
