i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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