Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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