she was so not down for the gang bang
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
