he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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