Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
