i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
