I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.