Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.