Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
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You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK