Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did