Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
