You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
