Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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