I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
