i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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