My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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