My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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