Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
