yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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