Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
