We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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