I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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